Reading Festival: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly – Part Three

So we come to the final part in this thrilling trilogy of a review; these are the downright ugly parts of Reading Festival 2010.

Now when I talk about ‘The Ugly’, I’m not necessarily looking at these moments in a negative light, but at the same time I’m not condoning them. ‘The Ugly’ points are often the things that capture your mind at an event like Reading. ‘The Ugly’ can turn into a flurry of brilliant anecdotes, to tell over the group campfire after the day is done. ‘The Ugly’ can be noticed by a large assembly of people and turn into festival legend; then again ‘The Ugly’ can be shared between a slender party and become a private portion of banter for years to come.

Don’t get me wrong ‘The Ugly’ is often unquestionably revolting, but that’s what makes it so plainly beautiful. Enough of the over extended poetry; here’s what made my Reading.

The Ugly:

1) My Close encounter with Trench Foot – When one is preparing for five days away from civilization, many elements need to be taken into consideration. “How many tops do I take? How much money do I bring? Will I seriously be needing this condom? Are Guns N’ Roses Shite?” are some of the questions that need to be answered. Sometimes it is the elements themselves which need to be acknowledged. A number of websites provide a five day forecast for such times; a service you may think, would be essential to use before embarking on a mini musical holiday. Evidently not though because come day one in the boggiest, most horrendous swamp like conditions Berkshire has ever seen, I had neglected to pack my Wellington Boots. In fact it’s worse than that as the only piece of footwear I possessed were a pair of white Plimsolls purchased from Primark. Prepared with the worlds most sorry excuse for shoes, I clambered through much of the first day shin high in mud, determined not to look discouraged at my poor choice of attire. I often looked down at my rolled up jeans to see a small end of flesh, then thick sediment where my ankle and foot are usually located. I couldn’t battle against the weather conditions for long though; at around 9:30 PM of Reading festival’s first day, I surrendered against my clear naivety and bought a pair of Wellington’s. The best £15 I’ve ever spent.

I'm glad I always keep my World War One Motivational Poster with me

2) The Girl I met during Crystal Castles – Before I start I would just like to note I am not referring to this lass’s appearance, as a matter of fact she was rather attractive, until the events of this tale took place. Crystal Castles drew in a large crowd at Reading Festival, the group defined Saturday’s electro fueled line up on the NME stage and seemed to be a particular hit with the younger festival goers (damm those meddling kids again). As I stood by the separating bollard though my desire to see them dance punk band quickly deteriorated, when the girl standing directly to my right decided this was the perfect time to take a leak. Regardless of the fact toilets were literally ten seconds away, the obviously dedicated fan did not want to lose her spot. The young lady tried to make her actions seem reasonable; “I’ve been waiting for this since Two O’clock and I’m not moving now” she declared, before urinating gracefully into a polystyrene cup. Peeing Girl if you are reading this; NO band is worth seeing that much. I do like Crystal Castles, but at that moment in time Weezer on the Main stage felt immeasurably more enticing.

3) The Chair – Times get desperate over the Reading bank holiday weekend. Sometimes your funds will be stretched, often you will run low on food, you may even run out of clothing. But worse of all you may occasionally need to do a shit. Before the past festival, I previously believed there were three options in this situation. Option number one; you man up, hold your breath and use the festival toilets (which for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, is worse than being trapped in a Death Star garbage compactor). Option two; you pussy out, queue up and use Tesco’s toilets (which for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, takes more time than a menstruation cycle). Option three; you surpass all levels of reasoning and hold it in (which for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, is best described as the anus under siege and the gates are falling). However at this years event a fourth option was brought to my attention. Like a grand door with bright light escaping through it’s keyhole, door number four was unlocked and swung open. Make your own toilet. Yes the camp next to us had decided to take hundreds of years of sewage inovation into their own hands. By simply cutting a large hole in any ordinary camping chair and placing an empty cardboard box in the bottom, you have assembled your own personal thrown; protected from the smell of other people’s waste, covered from the dangers of time consumption, but at the same time allowing the relief of ridding yourself of days of baked beans and breakfast bars. The genius of Reading Festival has no ends.

It is for these stories and many more like them, that I love Reading Festival and why I will sitting on my self fashioned privy, at Little John’s Farm in just under a years time.

Reading Festival: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly – Part Two

After my gleeming endorsement of the 2010 music festival, you may be forgiven in thinking that all is blessed over the course of the Reading long weekend. However for every brilliant performance by the likes of Foals, there is a heinous exhibition to be found on the BBC Introducing stage. For every delectable bite of Ostrich burger, there is putrid ham and cheese baguette somewhere. Like the Garden of Eden, there’s always something wriggly just around a tree, to fuck up your plans. Not that I’m comparing Reading Festival to the Bible’s Paradise; there wasn’t enough stark naked women this year for that to happen.

Thankfully the pros outweigh the cons, hence why people pay hundreds of pounds each year to deprive themselves fully of any fundamental bodily requirements. but cons there remain and these need to be highlighted.

The Bad:

1) Guns N’ Roses – Right lets get these guys out of the way, even people who weren’t anywhere near Little John’s farm know of the shambolic display Axl Rose’s clan put on. Before the weekend already begins there are problems with G N’ R headlining; with the main one being they shouldn’t even be allowed to call themselves Gun’s N’ Roses, with no Slash they don’t even deserve one of the syllables from the legendary name (well maybe the “un” part). The Paradise City rockers used to be able to electrify audiences anywhere, the moment they struck the first cord of one of their hits. Now what we have is a fat man with poor facial hair, who shimmies across the stage with the intensity of a beached whale. Put this aside the fact they were 60 months late and they’ve replaced Slash with a clone raised (and taught guitar) in the Early Learning Center, results in one very pissed off festival crowd.

2) Food N’ Drink prices – Imagine visiting Macdonalds for a Happy Meal and being charged for Michelin Star quality gourmet; envision this image and you still wouldn’t be anywhere near the astronomical prices for some grub at Reading. They really are atrocious. £3.50 to dine with a portion of Chips N’ Cheese (still a little irritated with Axl Rose). £4.00 to refresh yourself with a smoothie. Or maybe £7.00 for an orphan’s portion of Spaghetti Bolognese takes your fancy (to which you might be greeted with the cries of “MORE!”, if you requested a much needed pinch of pepper). Such is the Nazi pricing system of the Readin and Leeds food vendors. With the only other option being an hour long quest to find the nearest Tescos, you are pretty much forced to mortgage your house just to get a warm meal. Even for those people who tried to slug it out on booze fuel alone, it was still £4.00 for a pint. That leave’s us with Dexter’s top tip: go to your nearest All you can eat the night before you leave, then eat until Chow Mein pours out of your ear holes.

Christian Bale at Reading Festival after he left his wallet in the Bedroom.

3) Those Meddling kids! – I already sense your uproar; yes I am Twenty, but I feel like I’ve just been handed my bus pass compared to some of the characters skipping around Reading. Let me explain my hatred of the youth of today. First of all none of them are educated in Festival etiquette. By this I mean not going out of your way to stamp someone during a circle pit; if someone goes down in a most, you help that being up and you party on in maniacal harmony. The fact that this pit opened up during Mumford & Sons, is bewildering in itself. Secondly all of them seem to think they are being outrageous and rebellious. Take fancy dress for example. I have only been impressed once in my three years at reading by kids in fancy dress and that was last year when Morph Suits were new. The amount of smug gits adorned in wedding dresses, made me more concerned for society in general, than the dodgy smelling Thai Curry I traded my phone for. I will close merely with a statement to a naive juvenile looking lad, whom I overheard after The Libertines performance on the main stage: You didn’t just witness Babyshambles.

I would happily Punch you in the Throat.

Reading Festival: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly – Part One

I’m 20. I love my Music. I enjoy drinking by a camp fire. I have a natural lust for crowd surfing.

Therefore it’s a festival life for me. This past bank holiday weekend I attended my third Reading Festival for five days and five nights of Music listening, Sleep depriving and Dignity depleting fun. The Festival (celebrating it’s 2010th anniversary) was defined by a number of acts including a 67 piece troupe from Canada, some rather impudent Americans and a fat man with a mustache. As you might expect, the fat man was distracted by the sight of bacon back stage and therefore, was unable to perform.

Half pound of sausage, half pound of bacon, half pound of cheese, a 6 egg omeltte and hash browns, all sandwiched between 2 seven inch, gravy-filled biscuits. A typical Axl Rose snack.

Reading Festival is always a spectacle with numerous highlights. Some that everyone will be able to enjoy, some a little more personal. For example in 2009 I was knocked out by a rogue elbow whilst dancing to The Prodigy: an indie, rapcore, metal, electronic, gospel, blues, country house, space rock band formed in a Little Chef on on the M25 for anyone unfamiliar with them; which led to me being carried out by thousands of drunken teenagers. In 2008 I was knocked out during The Fratellis: not by any physical contact, but due to the fact they were so fucking mundane. This year was no different; a weekend of memories that could fill a whole blog entry. Or three. Here are the best part from the festivals.

The Good:

1) The Energy – I don’t mean to sound like a stoned hippy when I say this, but there was a real buzz in everyone present. In previous years I occasionally found myself feeling drained both physically (possibly explained by the sleep deprivation and constant moshing) and mentally (possibly explained by the sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption). However the 2010th Reading seemed to fabricate a brighter and fitter me. I don’t know whether this was down to a more Zealous crowd, or the fact I drank so many Smoothies and Frappuccinos (sometimes at once), but what I do know is that it led to a festival experience that was s little more exhilarating.

2) Limp Bizkit – Fred Durst’s New Metal crew gets a special mention in my Reading analysis; simply because they made me feel 12 again. The moment Limp Bizkit broke into ‘My Generation’, I was dropping lyrics that would make my grandmother blush and dancing to routines parallel to the likes of S Club 7. The guys from the states easily brought in one of the biggest audiences of the festival, with all in sight gleaming with a sense that they were all ten years younger. Sure Fred Durst spent much of the set just shaking hands with the lucky spectators at the front, it’s true that the guitarist looked like a Mighty Boosh character for no reason at all, but despite this Limp Bizkit, I salute you!

Just out of shot are The Fratellis

3) Loaded bands – In the three years I’ve been to Reading, I have never seen such a stoned line up. Without even watching any of the acts, the line up tells you there is going to be a spliff or two more floating around backstage than usual. Blink-182, Dizzee Rascal and Cypress Hill are just a few of examples of why this festival was just a massive dope advertisement. My well respected ‘So Baked’ award however goes to Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age. In an incredibly tight set from the Stoner-Rock legends, their front man looked unbalanced to say the least (the phrase ‘loss of equilibrium’ comes to mind), but despite his obvious intoxication he perfectly hit note after note, as he tore through a brilliant greatest hits set (which put Guns N’ Roses to shame). Josh Homme called the audience “A bunch of perfect crazy young motherfuckers”; well Josh you are one perfect crazy old motherfucker.

Left Me for Dead.

Enjoy it while it lasts. Soon they'll be a Starbucks where you are standing.

“Ever won with a Seven and a Two?” No I haven’t kind sir, but I can now say I have completed Red Dead Redemption.

Well when I say completed, I haven’t. I’m only at 82% completion and 515 achievement points, but never the less, I have just finished the main story line, which can only be described as brilliant. I started RDR with high, but at the same time, slightly restrained expectations. Sure there had been a tremendous amount of media hype from the gaming industry, surrounding the game before it’s release. But at the same time I have been let down in the past by Rockstar; Grand Theft Auto 4 my candidate in this case. Now before I get into a debate about how Grand Theft Auto 4 was a disappointment, I will quickly move on, because RDR deserves my time more.

I recently posted a short article about why video games should be considered art. Red Dead Redemption perfectly supports my argument. All the elements that go into creating a video game, whether it be the sound score or the narrative, have been finished to a fine shine and what Rockstar have accomplished is worthy of all the games hype.

First of all the games main plot is one which rivals many hollywood blockbusters. You take the role of John Marston, an outlaw in turn of the century western America. Marston attempted to leave his life of crime behind, buying land and starting his own farm with his wife and boy, before government officers kidnapped them. Marston must now hunt down some figures from his dark past, in order to be reunited with his family. The story is enthralling, taking the player through a number of different locations, including the classic western town of Armadillo, to the northern tip of politically unstable Mexico. You meet a lot of characters on this adventure, some playing more of a role than others in the story, but there aren’t too many as to make the plot confusing or fragmented (which is how I felt when I was playing GTA 4). I won’t spoil it for you, but trust me, the story is fantastic. There’s many a twist and turn in the narrative, which after around 20 hours of play for me, resulted in a very dramatic and satisfying climax.

There is still a lot to do on top of RDR’s already fulfilling story. There’s the usual Rockstar sandbox side pieces, such as committing crimes, drinking in bars and gambling. But Rockstar have also raised the bar of the sandbox genre, by adding a variety of ideas. Stranger missions make a return from GTA 4, but instead of the 5 second side quests we are familiar with, Rockstar have developed a nice collection of miniature story’s, which progress over the course of the game and reward you with money and fame points (which I’ll explain later) upon completion. Rockstar have also managed to create active time events, which are to put simply, random mini-games where you can rescue a civilian being hunted down by a pack of dogs, or retrieve a stolen horse from a fleeing outlaw. They are all a nice touch to the game.

Earlier I briefly mentioned Fame points, which go hand in hand with honour points. Fame points are achieved by completing missions and challenges and raise your statue with the games community. A character with lots of fame will have people talk about Marston’s escapades in public (“I heard Marston took on 20 men with just his bare hands” is a favourite of mine). As well as this, fame points equate in small perks, so it is well worth exploring the map, in order to maximize Marston’s fame. the game also feature honour, which is very similar to Fable’s and Fallout 3′s Karma like meters. Good deeds like helping a damsel in distressed, will result in the public thinking more highly of you and in turn rewarding you with things such as shop discounts; while galavanting around shooting innocent people, will turn you into the ultimate badass of the west and also get you onto the bad side of the law. On the plus side the scum of the west will love you.

Red Dead Redemption also features some highly polished visuals, while my Xbox has seen a little better, the games environment have been carefully crafted together, to give the best representation of the wild west the video game industry has ever seen. Honestly it’s sometimes just a pleasure to ride around through the desert at sun set, merely to witness the games beautiful landscape in all its glory. Also it’s nice to see that Rockstar have advanced the character models from Grand Theft Auto 4, John Marston makes for an entirely believable grizzly outlaw and much of the facial construction of a number of characters, are the best I’ve seen since Mass Effect 2.

When it comes to sound, Rockstar have managed to crack that nutshell as well. The sound development team had clearly been told to come up with something amazing and that they have; 14 hours of originally recorded material, from the generic western background music, to the sound of a train roaring past the thunderous galloping of your horse. The sound score also changes depending on your actions you are carrying out: taking a gentle stroll through town? Then the music is subtle and peaceful, but the moment a gang shows up with the intent of reeking havoc, then it becomes frenzied and fast paced. The voice acting in RDR is terrific as well, some of the best I’ve ever heard. A number of recent games (Heavy Rain and Final Fantasy 13 take my bullet here) have had this as their downfall, but RDR’s team have clearly taken time with the actors. You can really feel the different emotions coming through, whether it be the desperation of Marston as he fights for his family, or the wise cracking of the leader of the Mexican rebellion.

My only niggle with Red Dead Redemption has to be the controls, which can sometimes feel a little slow and clumsy, obviously inherent of previous Rockstar games, but they are still a big improvement on the likes of GTA. The shooting has been greatly improved and the added ‘Dead Eye’ feature (imagine slow motion, bullet time-esque firing) is a good asset of the game.

Red Dead Redemption comes as close to perfection as any game I’ve ever played. Even after completing the main story, I still felt the need to keep on playing and I could write another article about how good the online multiplayer is. It is only the second game this year (with Mass Effect 2 being the first) that has engrossed me and made me emotionally attached with the games outcome. Rockstar have raised the bar not only for sandbox games, but for the video game industry in general and deserve any praise (or awards) that is a result of RDR.

So overall I’ll give it 1/10. This is because I borrowed the game of my housemate while he was at Download festival and I heard that low reviews, equate to price drops in Gamestation.

From Gloucester to Interzone.

I was quiet amused when I discovered that Klaxons; New Rave, face paint and skinny jeans, were playing in Gloucester; Cathedral, cheese and Chavs. I was then bemused as I ended up with a ticket in my hand to see them on June 3rd. So, donning my most Horrors worthy attire, I took an adventure up to Gloucester to see the “inventors” of New Rave.

It was my second visit to Gloucester Guildhall; during my first time at the arts centre I was able to blag myself into a Young Knives gig, posing as a photographer for NME. To be honest the venue was as unremarkable as ever. Doubling up as a cinema (and this particular evening, a belly dancing class, which unfortunately had to be moved thanks to this electronic invasion. Though I’d like to have seen a group of middle aged women, wobbling around to Magick), the venue could be described just as a large village hall, with retractable seating for the countless pantomimes which have been on show over the years (maybe Jamie will make an appearance as the giant, in this years Jack & the Beanstalk). The place, as I expected, was full to the brim of excited teenagers, most of which looked like they had been shot arse naked through Topshop. To them, Klaxons in their humble little town, would have been like 5 christmases and a couple of birthdays, all rolled into one.

My troupe arrived about 10 minutes before the support act, Baby Monster, were due on stage. Enough time to fight through the hoards on pre 18 year olds, all desperately craving alcohol (their smooth faces and high pitched voices, proved to be their downfall). Now the youngsters in Gloucester clearly hadn’t heard the phrase, the early bird catches the worm: there was no one in front of the stage. So, sensing an opportunity, my team advanced to the front of the stage ready for the highly unheard of, Baby Monster.

They were fantastic, straight from California (god knows what they thought of Gloucester, the duo armed to the brim with keyboards and synthesizers, would be best compared to a mini version of Passion Pit. Even though their set got a little repetitive towards the end, their electro spewing minds kept everyone dancing until the end, I highly recommend you check them out.

Now to the main event, arriving a whole 15 minutes after schedule, The techno blasting three piece stormed onto the stage, then another two joined them, who I can honestly say, I have never set eyes on before. So with the triplet (I don’t know what the phrase for five), ready to go and the school trip-esque crowd like putty in their hands, Klaxons erupted into their new track Flashover, a song that wouldn’t sound out of place on Myths of the near Future. The track is a good return to form for the New Ravers, if not groundbreaking. The Southampton/Stratford (they later declared themselves locals) group then burst into a couple of Klaxon classics, in the form of As Above, So Below and then Gravity’s Rainbow, a pair of tracks which seemed to energize the before subdued audience.

Calm Trees is a more radio friendly track from the band, which is not necessarily a bad thing, it made the Klaxons seem a little more grown up, but something which also seemed to calm down the kids around me. However this moment of piece was then altered, severely. Klaxons cracked into Golden Skans, the bands most notorious (original) track. The audience then exploded into moshing, yes moshing, at a Klaxons gig. By the time Two Receivers came on, every lad in 2 for £10 Topman T-shirt was crashing into other people like child dizzy off lemonade. This annoyed me, up until some point during Magick, where I saw some young chap getting ninja sweeped of his feet, by a girl who had clearly had enough. I remained defiant however and kept my spot at the front.

That’s the way things remained throughout the gig. Lots of getting pushed around, lots of new tracks (about half of which I can say I liked) and deep down inside a lot more enjoyment. The guys finished off with there all to well known cover It’s Not Over Yet, which was true, as they came back on to encore with the electrifying (I fell as though I have used elemental references to much in this post) Atlantis to Interzone.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing Klaxons live yet, I highly advise you go at the next opportunity, they put on quiet the show. No doubt they’ll embark on a large academy/arena tour by the time their new album comes around, but if you can’t wait that long, you can see them at Reading and Leeds festival this August. Overall I’d give Klaxons 10/10, because Jamie just didn’t stop smiling from start to finish (you don’t get that in show-biz these days).

Foals – Total Life Forever.

Fresh of coming back from my week long trip to Turkey, I chose to detox myself from all the arabian nights style of music and have a listen to Foal’s latest LP Total Life Forever. Fans of Foals will remember the first album Antidotes, an album full of potential after Foal’s earlier releases of songs like Hummer, but personally for me, seemed to quiet hit the spot.

Move forward two years and Foals have matured very well. If Antidotes was the uncorking of the bottle, then Total Life Forever is the beautifully tasting glass of Red wine that has been allowed to breathe for all this time. While not an instant classic upon first listen, the latest album is a terrific grower. Upon the debut play, the album seems a little too hectic and thrown together, but by the end of the first few plays it all makes sense and that Foals mastery which they have always threatened, finally comes to light.

Songs like Black Gold and the simply beautiful Spanish Sahara, make Total Life Forever a definite contender for Dexter Paine’s coveted “album of the year award” and is an essential purchase for anyone a fan of the Indie genre.