North Korea: Just another naughty kid.

Communism - It's just one big party!

I don’t know a lot about foreign policies, but when an alone, isolated nation like North Korea starts pounding an Island just outside of it’s jurisdiction with more explosives than a Ramstein concert; then I know something is up. Ever since the Korean war over half a century ago, North Korea has been the lonely child in this school of mixed nations. Rather than playing along nicely with it’s more spoiled brother to the south, Kim Jong Il’s pesky country cries out for attention by beating it’s family down with more fury than a bunch of poor and bored university students. At the end of the day North Korea is no more than a naughty school kid. But still the international community of teacher’s doesn’t know what to do with them.

So we now press onto a question which has mystified the education sector for years – just how do you deal with bad behavior? It’s simple, you make the culprits look more stupid than Sarah Palin’s perspective on international relations. Now god help the kids I’ve been working with, but by teaching in a secondary school the past few weeks, I’ve developed an effective means to put them attention seeking bastards back in their place. I embarrass them.

Embarrassment is an amazing emotion. When triggered correctly it’s like a double blow to the person you’re dealing it too. The first blow stops them dead in their tracks, as they turn more red than Ronald McDonald’s pubic hairs, and while the second blow isn’t immediately evident, it will soon reap major benefits, because every time the victim goes to open their mouth with an audacious comment again, they will be overwhelmed by the horrible memory of humiliation, like that time you were caught having sex by your other half’s partner (you do remember that, don’t you?)

Forget detention and deducting house points, being dominated by this cringe reflex is the only way that bad behavior can be curbed. This can just as easily be applied to a problem like North Korea, bewilder the misbehaving juveniles to the extent they’ll never want to deploy another warhead ever again.

We’ve already have Team America come along a do half the job for us. The first point of call is to set up thousands of PA systems around the perimeter of the Korean Border, and then have them play I’m So Ronery on a loop – twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Not only will this put North Korea’s government to shame, but also introduce their citizens to Music, something they are not familiar with. Russia will keel over with laughter, India will join in with the song, even Switzerland will nod approvingly, and Kim Jong Il will feel about 3 inches tall – which isn’t too far off his actual height in actual fact. Follow this with a poster campaign of photo-shopped images depicting their fearless leader being molested by Fidel Castro, and the process will be complete.

Either this plan will work and we can let the hyperactive teenagers back in the class room, or the North will just nuke the living daylights out of South Korea in retaliation – but hey what have they done for us anyway?

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